


In a Dark and Stormy Alley

by prpis



Category: Hanna-Barbera, Scoob! (2020), Wacky Races
Genre: Action, Comfort, Continuity is only a state of mind, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Minor Original Character(s), Pet Bonding, Pet Owner, You might need tissues, and mentioning of rigged races, cute little puppy love and sniffles, dastardly and muttley deserve to be happy, let the little cuties rest, might be a little ooc at the end but not much, some angst in the first chapter, thar be some racing and cheating as per usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:15:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29357835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prpis/pseuds/prpis
Summary: After losing yet another race, the rookie Dick Dastardly walks down an alleyway on a dark and stormy evening, only to literally fall over headfirst in front of an annoying little furball. My interpretation on how these two first met aka Dick Dastardly is a reluctant dog parent.
Relationships: Dick Dastardly & Muttley
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Let's just say, I was inspired by Scoob. I'd actually written this entire fic in a two day stint back in September, but I kept it around for editing. It was also originally intended to be a one-shot, but the story clocks in at almost 18,000 words, so I decided to split it into five chapters. This fic was written mostly as a writing exercise, but also because I couldn't find another "How did Dick Dastardly meet Muttley" story at the time, so I decided to write one myself.
> 
> But I wrote this story mostly because I love these two knuckleheads.
> 
> Continuity wise, this story does take place before Scoob, and I like to think that this Dastardly is the same Dick from both his original shows in the 60's, and from Treasure Hunt and FB500 (with a dash of wr2017 sprinkled in). But, I'll leave the interpretation up to the reader. Either way, Yo Yogi did not happen.
> 
> Please enjoy, and thank you for reading!

The race didn't go so well. Well, it didn't go well last time either…or the time before that. The race ended with three random winners, with Dick Dastardly wheeling in with half his car smoldering and three flat tires while covered from head to toe in motor oil. Not one of his best performances. The crowd had jeered at him, and even the announcer asked Dick what the heck was the matter with him.

At the finish line, the drivers all came around in a circle for after-race congratulations, but as the new rookie came over the finish line last with his busted-up jalopy, the others turned to him in curiosity and with some nausea. The group huddled together, as Dick fruitlessly tried to get the heavy grease off by frantically shaking his arms around like an oil-slicked pigeon.

"I don't get what his deal is," said Peter bafflingly. "That guy sets up all these elaborate traps and cheats, and yet he still messes up."

"That requires an extra level of stupidity to pull that off," Pat added flatly.

"How can the organization take this? That nutjob is affecting us also while we're racing. He stops us in our tracks too whenever he goofs up," Rufus said.

"Well," Penelope wondered with a small, hopeful smile, "maybe they're trying to see what sort of 'wacky' things we can do to avoid his schemes. Makes for better ratings and for more exciting races, I think."

"Ratings?" Peter looked at her skeptically. "Look how they're shouting at him. I don't know what management sees in that guy."

"Hello there, fellas," Dastardly said as he jutted his large nose into the circle with a wide, derisive grin while holding a heavily stained washcloth. Only his face was wiped clean while the rest of his body dripped in heavy black. "What are you all talking about, if I may ask?"

The group all collectively backtracked and put on friendly smiles for him.

"Oooh uh, well," Peter muttered. "We were just talking about how… unfortunate your race ended up being today. Not much luck for you in your first couple of races here, huh?"

Dastardly rubbed some of the oil off his jacket as he smugly scoffed. "I don't need luck. I would've won if it weren't for these drated races being absolutely rigged. Meanwhile, I have to do all of the dirty work of dragging my own car all the way to the finish line without any help." He sneered at them. "Well, that's what I get when I have to work on my own. I have plans, great plans, but it seems many of them require more help that I thought I would need."

"Well, shoot," Rufus acknowledged. "You can always request for a partner, Dastardly. That's how I got my good buddy, Sawtooth, on my team." The large beaver sitting on his shoulder squeaked in agreement.

Dick quickly shook his head. "No, no, no, I'm not just going to have this two-bit of a racing organization pick a random partner for me. I need someone who gets what I'm doing, who gets what my 'agenda' is, if you get my drift," he added in air quotes as he gave Peter the stink-eye. Peter smiled awkwardly in response.

Rolling his eyes, Dick threw the washcloth into his destroyed car and sighed. Thankfully, the car will be repaired by tomorrow thanks to the Wacky Races crew, but it'll take them all night to get it into working order again. "Besides, I don't have anyone who can help me anyway."

The drivers looked at Dick with some pity. "Well, alright then, Dickie," Peter said in a low voice. He then quickly turned to the other racers with a sudden, happy change of expression. "Well," he declared cheerfully. "I'm going to the hotel. Anyone else care to join me for dinner?"

The others muttered words of agreement as Dick shoved his nose into the group again.

"Wait a second- they put you into a hotel?"

Peter looked at Dick with some surprise. "Why, of course I'm in a hotel. They booked all of us there until tomorrow's race."

Dastardly stood gobsmacked. "What? But they always put me into some random motel while we stay for the night! I thought everyone was put into different places based on how much they can afford."

"Well, can't you afford a few nights stay at the Hilton?" Pat asked with genuine curiosity.

Dick looked away to the sideline. He had come here with barely any money, as he spent most of it on his vehicle and for his lodgings. "Well…no," he grumbled. "I haven't won anything yet, and I came here with whatever I got on hand, so…"

The racers gazed at him awkwardly while Penelope looked concerned. "Well, would you like to join us for dinner?"

Dick crossed his arms and scowled at the idea. The last thing he wanted was to be anywhere near these idiots for more than two minutes, especially if they were just going to badmouth him all night.

"Ugh, no thanks," he rejected, quickly thinking up of a lie. "I have to go unpack my things and figure out my plans for tomorrow, and that's going to take me awhile."

Penelope gave him a worried smile as the others dispersed back into their cars. "Well, alright. Have a good night then, Mr. Dastardly."

Dastardly snorted in response as the other racers sped off. Being nice for the sake of it always brought a bitter taste to his mouth.

As Dastardly exhaustedly pushed his damaged vehicle back into his garage, he was given by one of the workers the name and directions to his motel for the night. The place already had his bags waiting for him there, but just as Dick was about to ask the worker about why he was put into a motel while the others were given a nice, comfy resort to spend the night in, the guy quickly ran off as he said he needed to take care of the other cars in their garages.

It figured. Apparently, the motel wasn't even that far away from the start of the racetrack located just outside of town, but he had to walk a few lengthy blocks to get there. And just as Dick stepped out from the curb to cross the street, he heard a loud thunderclap, and large drops of rain started to pour heavily.

Dastardly stood alone, drenched, with his outfit still stained with petroleum. He saw a somewhat deserted alleyway peaking from between the buildings, and he walked slowly towards it to get some sort of cover. He was wet anyways, he thought, so running wouldn't make a difference. He could at least get away from any prying eyes that might see him in such a state.

As he entered the alley, he saw the walls were lined with trashcans and other assorted garbage, and mud was starting to pile up between the walls. Dick knew his boots were going to need a good cleaning once he gets to his suite.

Luck…he never needed it. He did want to win a race, genuinely, but only on his own terms. He knew fully well the other racers cheated as well, but they all did it along with their usual schticks. To the eyes of the fans, that made for a good and exciting race. It's what they wanted, and it's exactly what the organization craved. Controlled chaos, but everyone kept to their limits on how much they wanted to mess with each other. No one wanted to step on anyone else's toes.

Except him, apparently. He wanted to get ahead without any possibility of anyone else catching up to him. He wanted to stop the other racers in their tracks, no matter what. The idea of messing with and dominating the other do-gooder racers by his own means made him giddy, and he loved making up his first plans on how to do just that. But when he first auditioned to be a part of the races, the board was skeptical. However, they did love the idea of him being a heel to the others. Dick Dastardly would be the wrench thrown into the plans of the other racers, and he would spice things up for the fans watching at home. Cheating wouldn't just be another tactic of his: villainy itself would be his own schtick.

But what Dick didn't realize was that his plans were actually too elaborate, too laborious to be done on a racetrack alone while the other cars were speeding past him. His car was fast, extremely so on purpose, so he can stop ahead and set his plans up. But the other cars were fast too, and doing things too quickly while being over excited led up to some…mistakes. Surely none of them are entirely his fault: many of his plans go wrong for various reasons. But Dick half believed that even the racing executives were taking it out on the villain by making it hard for him to win by keeping him in last. Because if the villain won, that wouldn't be fair to the other highly paid, more popular racers, now would it?

He also didn't realize at first just how much derision he'd get by being the antagonist in the race. Sure, he's used to it by now by society's standards since that's the way he is on a general basis. But he's been racing for about a month now, and he's seen how the other racers and fans treat him. Even the organization and announcer seemed to take either anger or amusement from his tactics. The hateful words seemed like compliments to Dastardly, but even he was getting sick of being the only target of it.

Dick sighed as he continued down the alley with his head drooping down sadly. Rain pattered along on the walls and trash cans as he slowly made his way down, absentmindedly putting one foot in front of the other.

All he craved was just for a bit of respect. He's already heard from over the grapevine that the board wanted him on so they can both jeer and laugh at him for even attempting to play unfairly, and that they enjoyed seeing him come in last. Story of his life right there, especially since he feels like he's been cheated out of life anyway. A poor boy from some unknown town who's trying to gain some money by the only way he knew how, and he gets punished for it by the universe. All he wanted was to live comfortably and to never have to worry again about when his next meal will be. Meanwhile, the fat cats up there cheat with everyone else's money, and they get away with it scot free. Everyone else played unfairly in the game of life, so why was it so wrong when he tried the same?

If only someone else out there felt the same way he did. The executives asked him the same question when they interviewed him: what's a good villain without a good henchman? But Dastardly worked alone. As much as he loved the idea of bossing people around, he didn't enjoy the idea of being mindful of someone else. He could barely even take care of his own bodily being, let alone someone else's.

But he's never felt so lonely. He's losing his energy and motivation to continue, and it's only been a month. Embarrassing himself on live television was a new low for him. He thought he'd be able to make it here on his own by being himself, and by proving to himself that he could do it his way. But it didn't seem to be working.

Dastardly felt his eyes start to water. Maybe this was all a mistake… maybe he should never have come. Maybe this was all just a waste of-

His foot caught onto something, and just as he realized what was going on, his face was already being splattered by the muddy pavement.

"DRAT, DRAT, AND DOUBLE DRAT!" he yelled, slamming his fists on the ground. "Why does nothing ever go right for me?!"

Suddenly, Dastardly thought he heard a little laugh. "What?" he cried out in disbelief. "Laughing, here?!"

Dastardly frantically moved his head around to find the source of the laughter. He got up quickly to look behind him, but there was no one around.

"Where are you?" he shouted. "You think you can laugh at me- Dick Dastardly?! I'll show you who you're dealing with, you witless wallabout!"

The soft laughter continued. Dick kicked at some of the trashcans located at the side in frustration. "You can't hide from me forever, you hyena!"

He turned to the other wall and shoved away the cans standing there. "You can't hide from the one and only- "

But just as he pushed them aside with a bang and clatter, what he saw behind the cans was not some sort of laughing imp sent to haunt him. Instead, it looked like a tiny, cowering puppy. It was a small, brown furry thing who was shivering cold and wet to the bone. It was looking at him with large, terrified eyes, practically pleading Dastardly to not hurt it. It didn't look any bigger than a medium sized shoe.

Dick lowered his arms as he gaped at the little thing. "What…how?" he whispered in confusion. Defeated, he sighed as he slowly kneeled on the muddy ground in front of the puppy, his body shielding the poor thing from the rain as it continually poured upon his back.

Unbelievable…in the midst of his panic, he hadn't expected a small animal to just be sitting there alone behind these dirty cans in the middle of an alleyway. He could've hurt it, or worse. Then what would that accomplish? His anger really was getting the best of him, he reluctantly admitted to himself.

The puppy looked absolutely filthy and covered in mud, and its ears were too big for its own tiny head. Dick heard some thunder in the distance, and the puppy whined as it flinched further into the wall, shaking. It kept looking at Dastardly with those huge, frightful eyes.

Dick looked at the little thing incredulously. From the bottom of his eye, he saw his own gloved hands laying on his lap. He brought them up closer to himself for a better look. They were caked in wet mud and water. His eyes wandered from his hands, to his arms, and then finally to his torso. All dirty as well. His hat was probably worse for the wear, too.

His gaze went back to the trembling puppy. Lonely, dirty, scared, and helpless. In other words, abandoned. Like he once was. Like he is now. He couldn't tear his eyes away from it.

As if he were under a spell, Dastardly's hands moved slowly towards the puppy. The little thing whined frantically as it tried to shrink further into the wall, but the hands were gentle as they curled around its tiny body. He picked it up slowly and brought it closer to himself, looking at the puppy uncertainly. The puppy had stopped whining and was now looking at him with an air of both awe and curiosity.

Thunder hit again, and the puppy cried as it cowered into Dastardly's hands, trying to hide itself in them. The longer he looked at the puppy, the more determined his gaze became. With his grip becoming tighter and more protective, he brought the puppy closer towards his chest, unbuttoned some of his longcoat, and hid the little thing safely under it.

Dastardly took in a deep breath as he tried to steel himself. He got up, looked around for anyone, saw no one, then swiftly took off towards the end of the alley.


	2. Chapter 2

Dastardly loudly shut the entrance door of the motel as he barged in, breathing heavily. It had taken him an additional 10 to 15 minutes to run down the blocks to then find this small and dismal place hiding at the other end of the block. He was even more soaking wet than before, and his hat was so drenched it was close to falling off his head. As he held the puppy in one hand under his jacket, his other hand grabbed the hat and squeezed the water out right onto the carpeted floor.

He plopped the hat back onto his head, then turned to find that the motel receptionist had been staring at him this entire time with an uncaring expression. She was a large woman with a world-weary face, and she did not look amused. The sign above her said in large print 'No pets allowed under any circumstances.' Dick felt a small bead of sweat fall from his face. He usually didn't care for rules of any kind, but the last thing he wanted was to be kicked to the curb with all his luggage out on the rainy street.

"Well," she said impassively. "You look like you've been through the ringer, eh?"

Dick glanced at himself and saw that the mud had washed away, but he still had stains all over his clothes.

"You can say that," he replied.

The receptionist opened up her guest book. "You got a reservation?"

Dick's head drew up a fog as he shook it. He almost forgot what he was there for. "Uhh, yes. Dastardly. Dick Dastardly."

"Ohh, yeah, now I see you," she said as she marked him down. She turned to get his key. "So, you're that new racer everyone's talking about. Sorry to say, but you don't look as impressive as your name suggests, in my opinion."

Indignant, he unawarely tightened his grip on the puppy as it squirmed in his hand. If he'd have any more energy he'd verbally mouth her off, but considering the circumstances, he forced himself to stay silent.

Under the briefly tight grip, the puppy let out a small squeal. The receptionist turned quickly around to inspect the noise, shrewdly gazing at Dastardly. Dick startingly looked at her, then coughed very loudly into his fist.

"Scratchy throat. Horrible weather outside. I think I might be catching something," he quickly said with a large, nervous grin.

The woman looked at Dastardly skeptically, then she passed the key along to him. "Room 8, second floor to your left. Your luggage should be there now. No loud noises after 9- I'm a light sleeper. And checkout is at 7 AM."

" _Thanks_ ," Dastardly snarled through gritted teeth. Checkout may be at 7, but he'll need to be by the racetrack at 6 for the race. The Wacky Races crew will pick up the rest of his luggage once he's out of this place.

Dastardly opened his suite to find a small hallway leading into a tiny kitchen and bedroom with a door on the side of the wall separating the two rooms, which he assumed to be the door to the bathroom. The kitchen contained a stove, a wash counter, and a minifridge which Dick hoped was stuffed with some of his food. The bedroom held a twin sized bed and a nearby, tiny nightstand with a wind-up alarm clock. His luggage was all stacked one upon the other on the small bed.

Finally letting go of the puppy, he let it jump out of his hand and onto the dark, matted carpet. The whelp shook all the water out of its shaggy brown fur onto the carpet and all over the hall, with some of it going onto Dick himself. The agitated man, however, barely noticed any of the drops falling on him as he locked the door. The puppy started to curiously inspect the hallway with its nose, leading him into the bedroom.

"I can't believe this," Dick said as he took off his hat and jacket and forcibly hanged them on the coat rack, revealing his stained red turtleneck and black, sticky hair. "I just don't believe this." He took off his boots and slammed them onto the carpet, his tone of voice increasing with irritation. "What in the name of all things _bad_ possessed me to pick up a stray dog off the street?! What was I thinking, taking pity on a dirty animal like you! I never take pity on anything! If you were a cat, I would've left you to rot out there, and I would _not_ have hesitated to do so!"

The dog looked up at Dastardly expectantly and panted happily. Dastardly crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at it. He couldn't deny the look it was giving him.

"I hate you," Dick whispered with as much bile his weak voice could muster. The puppy wagged its tail.

Dastardly sighed and hung his head down in resignation. He looked up to the alarm clock and saw it was a quarter to eight. If he wanted to break his sting of sleepless nights, he had to be rested for tomorrow. It was now or never, then. He took off his sweater and tossed it on the bed, revealing a white t-shirt underneath. He'll have to get his laundry done eventually…someday.

He turned to the muddy cur again. "You're filthy," he said matter-of-factly. "This is going against everything I stand for but," he knelt down to grab the puppy by the scruff, who didn't seem to mind it, "I have to get you cleaned."

Dick opened the door to the bathroom and turned on the lights. A tub, a showerhead, toilet and sink- nothing out of ordinary here. There were some tiny bottles of shampoo and bars of soap sitting around the tub. Hopefully, this'll be enough since Dick didn't have enough of his own shampoo to share, nor did he want to. Why do such things cost so much these days?

Dick took a deep breath as he stared at the tub. He's never washed a living thing before, but it shouldn't be so hard, right? The fleabag seemed to be cooperating so far.

"Alright," he said, clenching his jaw as his gloved hand slowly reached to the tub faucet. "Gently now, gently…"

But just as he touched the knob, the puppy started squirming and kicking around, and Dastardly saw through the corner of his eye that something unusual was going on.

"Wait a second, what are you doing?" he asked. Then, panic set in. "Wait, wait, wait NOT IN THE TUB-"

* * *

Several dirty towels, littered toiletries, a toilet plunger, and a slightly flooded bathroom later, the scraggly, fluffy puppy sat in the bathtub sparkling clean and dry. The tub looked none the worse for wear after several attempts of getting the stink out of it. The smell in the air, however, was absolutely repugnant and Dastardly had to try many…too many times to make the tub clean again to finally be able to wash the mangy mutt. He even had to resort to using his own limited supplies to get everything into working order.

Dick sat on the floor in shellshock. In his past, he'd done a lot of unscrupulous things. But this…was on another level.

"Well," he said with an air of finality. "I guess that settles it. You're a boy."

The puppy seemed to grin shamelessly. Dastardly stared at him accusingly.

"This is all your fault, you know," Dick said.

Carrying the puppy out of the bathroom, he dropped both the animal and his gloves onto the floor and went over to the kitchen sink to give his hands a final wash. That was probably one of the most repulsive things he's ever done, and he's a guy who knows what being repulsive is like. At least his undershirt and pants came out of all that miraculously unscathed.

He can't keep this dog. He's not fit enough to do it. He has no idea how to take care of him, how to train him, nor does he know anything about pets or animals. And he has little time or patience to deal with a puppy. Plus, the idea of him keeping anything so fluffy, small, and furry beside him made his stomach do somersaults. What would the other racers think of him? What would the other villains think of him? They'd think he'd gone soft or something, keeping such a cute and tiny thing on him. He couldn't- he wouldn't face that sort of humiliation! He'd be more of an embarrassment on live television than he is now.

Wiping his hands on a paper towel, Dick looked at the puppy to find him chewing on one of the bed's wooden legs. Dastardly couldn't care less what the puppy did with the furniture, so long as he didn't go near his own belongings. But even against his own annoyance, he couldn't help imagining with some amusement the motel's staff dealing with the messy bathroom. The idea of that old woman reacting furiously to the chewed-up bed made him even chuckle a bit.

Dastardly stopped himself and shook his head. No, he shouldn't get close to him. By tomorrow morning, he'll stuff the little pain-in-the-behind down some sort of box, pack him in with the rest of his bags, and then bring him into some sort of…shelter, pound? Wherever other mangy dogs are found. Then the little beast will find someone better to live out the rest of his life with. It's the best option for the both of them, but he'll have to do it sometime after tomorrow's race.

Dastardly's stomach growled. He stole a glance at the clock: ten o'clock in the evening. Drat it all, he should've been in bed by now. Looks like it's going to be one those nights again.

Dastardly heard another noise, but this time it wasn't from him. He looked down to see the puppy staring at him with large, light brown eyes.

"W-what? What is it you want now, you mongrel?" Dick asked impatiently.

The puppy whined a little and scuffed his paw on Dastardly's leg. Dick almost flinched on reflex from the touch.

"What, what?" he raised his voice in frustration before forcing himself to be quiet. He remembered what that old hag told him. He then asked with a lower tone of voice, "What do you want from me? You can't just stare at me and expect me to know what you want!"

The puppy looked past Dastardly and trotted over to the minifridge. He gestured with his head towards the fridge and whined again in urgency.

Dastardly gaped at the puppy with slow realization. "Ohhh. You're hungry. Right, right, dogs get hungry too… I should probably remember that."

Opening the minifridge, Dick saw that his food was indeed in there, but that only meant there wasn't much to go around. He spotted some sausages, soda cans, a half-eaten jelly sandwich, a huge carton of swiss cheese, a sardine can, and an open bag of Bugles that he hadn't finished.

"Uhhh, some things are poisonous to dogs, right?" Dastardly asked half to himself and half to the mutt. "Can dogs eat sardines? Or does it need to be fixed up first? Maybe I can just let you finish the sandwich…although, _I_ wanted to finish that sandwich."

Dastardly spotted the puppy's nose reaching up towards the sausages and touch the packaging.

"Oh oh, you want some hot dogs?" Dick asked eagerly as he picked them up and presented them to the little dog. "Well, I guess that's fitting since, well, you're a dog and all," he added with a small smile and low chuckle.

The puppy wagged his tailed and grinned.

* * *

After finding a pot below the kitchen sink, Dastardly boiled a sausage for each of them and gave the puppy some water to drink from a saucer he found. For dinner, he got himself a can of soda, the sandwich he wanted to finish, and the Bugle bag. Dastardly sat and ate on the bed while the puppy laid on the carpeted floor, munching on the hot dog slowly and savoring every bite.

"Ya' know what?" he said to the puppy, even though Dick was sure the furball didn't understand what he was saying anyway. "I was wondering. About how you ended up in the middle of an alleyway in the first place. I didn't see any boxes around you, and I don't think it makes sense for someone to leave you all the way there and wasting their effort on just dropping you off. Now, if it were me- hypothetically, mind you- and I had to abandon something I didn't want or care about, I wouldn't take the extra mile of leaving you in the middle of an alleyway. Maybe near a large dumpster or by a river, or maybe even _nearby_ an alleyway. But not in the middle of such a long one."

The puppy tilted his head to the side and looked at Dick confusingly.

"So," the villain said haughtily, "I've concluded that you either ran away from home and got lost, or your mother forgot about you and you somehow got stuck in that alleyway with nowhere else to go." He looked at the small dog from the corner of his eye and added with a sardonic smile, "Either way, not the best position for you to be in."

The puppy seemed to nod solemnly in agreement. Dastardly raised an amused brow.

"Oh, so you _do_ understand me?" he asked with interest, looking at the pup intently. After a moment, however, he tiredly sighed and leaned back on the wall facing the bed. "Or maybe I'm just imagining things."

He dejectedly shoved his hand into the bag of Bugles and lodged a number of chips into his mouth. "I don't know what to believe in anymore," he garbled while chewing the contents down. "I wish you can just tell me where you came from, but that's likely not going to happen, is it?"

He swallowed with a loud gulp. "I mean, I don't even know why _I_ had to be the one to find you. It could've been literally anyone else more capable or willing than me. But it just _had_ to be me…" he added bitterly. He sighed again as he tilted his head back on the wall and stared at the ceiling. "Why does it always have to be me?"

He continued his gaze for a few moments before taking a quick sip of his soda, then his eyes wandered back down to the dog. Dastardly didn't know if he was still seeing things, but he thought he saw some sadness in the puppy's eyes as they exchanged looks. The mutt seemed to understand words and could elicit human emotions. How smart was this dog, anyways?

Slowly, the puppy got up on all fours and curled himself down on Dastardly's feet. Dick almost instinctively retracted his legs from the movement. "Uhh, what are you doing?" he asked with some annoyance.

The puppy turned onto his back, exposing his little belly. He wagged his tail and grinned at Dastardly.

Dick could only stare in confusion. "I don't get it, what do you want me to do? Do you like my feet, is that it? I don't have that many pairs of socks, you know."

The puppy stuck his tongue out and wagged his tail harder, staring intensely into Dick's eyes. Realization then finally hit, and Dastardly shook his head hard.

"Ah no, no way. I'm not doing it. You can beg all you want, but I won't do it. I mean it! I've done too much for you today already."

The puppy stared more intensely with his huge eyes, and he started to whine. Dick covered his ears in frustration and groaned.

"Alright, alright! If it means shutting you up."

Dastardly's hand came down and started to scratch the puppy's tummy reluctantly. The puppy's tail wagged harder and harder as Dastardly scratched more and more. A genuine smile started to form on the man's lips. He started rubbing with two hands and with more ferocity, and Dick actually started to laugh softly with joy. Finally, Dastardly's face came close enough to the dog's muzzle, and the little beast had the audacity to start licking his face with gratitude. Dastardly squirmed and grimaced, but try as he might, he couldn't keep the laughter out of his voice as he protested.

"Yauugh, no! Not the face! No, noo, quit it! I mean it, stop it! Stop it, you mangy mongrel!"

The puppy stopped in glee as Dick stared at the camera in disgruntlement, his face covered in slobber. This was the second most repulsive thing he had to do today. Dastardly set aside the food and plates on the bed and pulled out some of the bedsheets to use as a towel for his face.

He groaned in disgust as he wiped himself. Then suddenly, a fit of uncontrollable giggling started to escape from his lips, much to his annoyance.

"Never do that again," he warned while trying unsuccessfully to hide his chuckling. He did not at all sound threatening. "I mean it!"

The puppy grinned in triumph as he got up and sat on the carpet again a few feet from the man. Dick gulped down the last of his turbulent mirth and stared at the little rascal with some irritation. But try as he might, he couldn't suppress the smile from forming around his lips again.

Dick got an idea. He put down the bedsheet and started to open up his luggage. "It's got be in here somewhere," he muttered as he rummaged through the bag. The puppy got up on all fours and trotted closer to the man again to see what he was doing.

As he was opening and closing the bags, he took out a fresh pair of red gloves and a red turtleneck, then stuffed back their soiled counterparts. The longcoat, hat and boots should be dry by now, but he didn't have the patience to go and check if they're still stained. They'll have to do for the morning.

As he was searching, he also took out his grooming supplies, which included his mustache oil. "I'll be needing these," he said to himself as he set them aside as well. He turned to the puppy and twirled his mustache at him, saying in a vague, sinister manner, "The blasted thing is finally growing out, but I'd like it to be even longer- just as an FYI." The puppy seemed fascinated as he watched the movement intently.

Finally, he found what he was searching for.

"Ah ha, I finally found what I was searching for!" he declared, brandishing a notebook in his hands. The puppy wagged his tail hard, looking ecstatic now that Dick was getting excited. "My very own personal 'How to Win a Race by Crook or Hook' book. Right now, it's just a simple workbook with pictures and plans, but soon it'll be full to the brim with many, many dastardly plans and ideas!"

He threw his head back to laugh evilly, forgetting to keep his voice down. But as his laugh subsided, he thought he heard a sound coming out of puppy. Stopping suddenly to see what it was, he looked to see that the mongrel had covered his muzzle with his front paws and was looking at Dastardly with a mix of fear and discomfort. Dastardly raised a brow, puzzled.

"Ahh, umm," he muttered awkwardly, unsure of what to make of this reaction. He cleared his throat and opened up the book.

"Yes, well…anyways," he said as the smile returned to him. He pointed to one of the figures he drew on the page. "Here's a picture of one the traps I plan on utilizing someday. It involves a giant rocket made from scratch, a large stretch of road, and _a lot_ of dynamite."

The puppy slowly uncovered his mouth as he looked enthrallingly at the picture. Seeing that he's caught the little fuzzball's attention, Dastardly quickly turned a few more pages.

"Now this one's much more elaborate- the more elaborate, the better in my opinion," he added with a nasty chuckle. "It's unconventional, and it's not fully planned yet, but I'm sure it'll work. For this one, I have to sink a basketball into a basketball hoop, which then sets off the rest of the mechanism, until all of the racers are covered in quick drying cement!" He laughed again with malevolent joy. "Leaving me as the default winner!"

Dastardly saw the brown puppy grinning widely at him, which made the villain laugh even harder. A sudden banging sound interrupted him from below his feet, startling the two so much that the puppy squealed in fright. Dastardly quickly covered the little dog's muzzle with his hand to shush him up.

"Stop it with that annoying evil laughter, I can hear ya from all the way down the hall!" the receptionist yelled.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop, I'll stop!" Dastardly screamed back frantically. He uncovered the puppy's muzzle as he said to himself, "Yeesh, what a grouch." The man and puppy exchanged looks, then they both smile wickedly.

Dastardly's eyes wandered to the clock, and he jumped a little in alarm.

"12:30 in the morning!" he exclaimed "Drat it all- I have to be up in five hours!" He grabbed his supplies, then he pointed a stern finger at the scraggly dog. "Now, I'm going to be in there for just a little while, so don't make a mess while I'm gone. Don't touch any of my things, don't cause a fire or anything-you know what, j-just don't touch anything."

He opened the door to the bathroom, then he quickly turned his head to the puppy and sharply said, "And don't bother me for anything!" He then went in and locked the door.

The puppy stood up on his hindlegs and picked up the book in his front paws to get a better look. He couldn't read it (he was only several weeks old, after all), but the pictures were very clear on what Dastardly wanted to do. Some of the traps looked very long and effortful, while other pages seemed to describe various other tactics he would use. The book looked very enjoyable to the mischievous little dog, but it only had around 20 pages of content, and it was very obviously a work in progress.

By the time he was halfway looking through the guide, the puppy with his keen sense of hearing heard the squeaks of the door being unlocked. He quickly put the book back on the bed on the page he found it on, then sat back down on the carpet with his tail wagging.

"Phew," Dastardly exhaled in disgust as he turned off the lights for both the bathroom and for the rest of the suite. "It still ranks in there. I had to open the windows all the way up. You're a really smelly dog, you know that?"

The shaggy-haired puppy responded with a toothy smirk. Dastardly rolled his eyes at the furball as he put his hair products back into the luggage, zipped it up, and then tossed all his bags off the bed.

"There," he said, a huge yawn escaping him. "All packed for the morning." He closed his book and put it on the nightstand near the clock. He picked up said clock, winded it forward to 5:30, sat it back up on the stand, then yawned again.

"I'll guess I'll just have to wing it," he said as he glanced at the puppy. He yawned once more. "Gosh, I'm exhausted."

He tucked himself under the covers and sighed with relief, still wearing his white undershirt and black pants. The plates and soda can fell off the bed and onto the carpet with a soft _clang_.

"Well, good night there you… puppy."

Within a few moments, the puppy heard Dastardly snoring loudly. He got up on his hindlegs again, slowly and quietly picked up the book, and tiptoed over to the other side of the room and sat down near a window. The puppy opened up the blinders to reveal a faint light coming from the brightness of the parking lot. He opened back to the page he was reading from, and continued along from there.


	3. Chapter 3

Dastardly felt a faint tugging coming from around his leg, and what he thought he heard to be growling.

“Ughhh, just-just five more minutes, mommy,” Dastardly muttered. A series of loud barking then startled him awake.

“What, what, I’m up, I’m up!” Dick yelped. The light from outside burned into his eyes. He turned to find it was that mongrel dog he had picked up last night, barking at him and pulling at his leg. Once he saw him, Dastardly became furious.

“You! What do you think you’re doing, waking me up so early at dawn! I barely even got any sleep! If you want to go outside so badly, you can go by yourself for all I care!”

The puppy ran to the nightstand on his hindlegs and showed the clock to him. Dastardly looked at the clock in horror. It was a quarter to six, and he only had 15 minutes until the start of the race.

“What! This can’t be right. I set this clock last night, how come it didn’t work?! Did I sleep through it?”

Dastardly grabbed the clock and turned it over to see that he had set it to ring for 5:30 PM, not 5:30 AM.

“How does that even make sense?!” Dastardly yelled as he chucked the clock across the room. “I have to go- NOW!”

He quickly got up to pull the sweater over his head, put on his gloves, and run to the coat rack to get his things on.

The puppy grabbed the book and tried to hand it off to Dastardly, whining so he can be heard. But as he got near the harried man, Dick didn’t even look at him as he pulled his still-stained jacket on.

“Get away from me, you nosy cur! You should’ve woken me up earlier!”

He opened and slammed the door on his way out, leaving the poor little puppy alone and clutching Dastardly’s book in his arms. Now what was he supposed to do? Would Dastardly know what to do without his book? What’s going to happen to him? He had no idea where Dastardly went for his race, but the puppy felt like he needed to be there with him, that somehow, he knew this man needed his help.

But just as he thought all hope was lost, the doorknob started jiggling again. The puppy thought it was Dastardly who’d come back to take him along, but he heard a woman’s voice in the hallway instead. It was the receptionist, and it sounded like she was having a conversation with someone.

The puppy thought quickly, and he ran to one of the suitcases. He carefully held the book in his teeth as he opened one of the bags in a hurry, fitting himself inside as best as he could between the clothes. Just as he closed the suitcase from the inside, the door opened. The puppy heard a few people enter the room.

“Hmm,” he heard the woman say. “I could’ve sworn I heard some barking in here. I don’t know what you people hire as racers, but this guy was just something else. He came in sopping wet as if he’d never heard of an umbrella before, and I heard him laughing his head off last night like a madman. And now look at this! What a mess he made in here… cans and dishes everywhere, and I see he’s done a ringer on the bed, too. No respect for others, whatsoever.”

“Right,” the puppy heard a few men say in unison.

“You two can go ahead and take the luggage and the food in the fridge. Oh, Lord, what is that smell?”

The puppy felt a sudden jolt. He peaked through the little opening he gave himself and saw that he was being moved to outside the room, out into the hallway, and then into a truck. The bag was carelessly thrown in and, just as he heard the door of the truck close, the puppy let himself out of the bag. He gently took the book out of his mouth and felt how wet it was now. Nothing he could do about that, unfortunately.

The truck was small, and it was carrying many other bags and luggage as well. The puppy looked ahead and saw that the locked door had a small enough gap to peak through. With book in paw, he ran towards the doors and looked through to see the street pavement in front of him. Whatever was happening, he hoped he would find Dastardly soon. 

The truck suddenly lurched, and the puppy was thrown back hard. The book fell from his paws and flew far behind him, disappearing into the luggage.

“Uh oh,” the puppy muttered, looking at his bare paws. He ran towards the luggage and started frantically shoving them around, desperately trying to find the guide. He can’t lose it now- not when he was so close!

But after a few minutes of an unsuccessful search, the truck made an abrupt stop. Both the luggage and the puppy were thrown back this time, inadvertently trapping him under some bags. The book jumped out from between the luggage and out onto the open floor, right in front of the doors.

The puppy tried to push the heavy bags off himself, but to no avail. Finally, he heard some men shouting from outside. He also heard something else: a bugle horn being blown. The puppy didn’t know what it meant, but it had to mean something important. Either way, he had a feeling that the doors were going to be opened soon, and the last thing he wanted was to be found in a place he wasn’t supposed to be in again.

Pushing with all his little strength, the puppy finally got the luggage off of him, grabbed the book quickly in his jaws, and hid behind one of the larger bags just as he heard the chains of the door being unlocked.

* * *

As Dick Dastardly ran his legs off to get to the starting line in time, there was an announcement over the intercom for a delay in the race due to damage in one of the cars. The Arkansas Chuggabug had sprung a leak in its steampowered engine, and Luke and Blubber were trying to suss out what the source of the trouble was. As the two were getting sloshed by water from their car, some of the other racers stood around in conversation as they waited for the race to start.

“I don’t think I’ve seen the guy late to any of the races so far,” Rufus said with Sawtooth sitting on his shoulder, the beaver swishing his flat tail around as he intently searched the far distance. “The workers moved the car to the starting line, but where’s Dastardly?”

“Oh, I hope nothing bad happened to him,” Penelope said as she looked nervously at the lonely car sitting at the edge of the strip.

“Yes, I hope so too, Miss Penelope,” Peter said worryingly. “I was thinking about it last night after dinner, fellas, and I think we were too harsh on that poor rookie. Yes, he may be a villain and a bad cheat but, in a way, I actually find him to be quite endearing.”

He continued on with a sense of heightened importance. “His gumption and determination are both qualities a good racer should have, and they’re both characteristics that these races have lacked from for a very long time. And to see them embodied in the likes of such a character gives me the resolve to race like I’ve never raced before. But, to see him not be here only gives me a sense of foreboding for what’s to come. I only hope that he’s not here because of what we said about him yesterday.”

The professor side-eyed him, his arms crossed. “Or, maybe he just overslept and forgot he had a race to get to,” he said dryly. “That’s also a possibility, considering the guy.”

Sawtooth chattered as he pointed towards the distance with excitement. Rufus tried to see where he was pointing to, then smiled.

“And speaking of the devil,” Rufus said, pointing as well. “There he is now!”

Jumping across the curb and past the gates, Dastardly screeched to a halt and plopped stomach first right onto the front hood of his car, panting heavily. The four racers ran over to see if he was alright.

“Am I- Am I late?” Dastardly gasped out.

“Not at all, Dickie, old boy!” Peter exclaimed, making Dastardly cry out as he slapped him on the back and held onto his shoulder. “There’s a delay in the race, so you came just in time.” He turned and gestured to one of the staff members. “Hey, you there! We need some water over here!” The orderlie frantically ran off.

“Get your hand off of me, Perfect,” Dastardly said as he picked up said hand with disgust and dropped it away from himself.

“We’re just glad you’re okay, Mr. Dastardly,” Penelope said with a relieved smile.

Dick looked at her with a mix of skepticism and surprise. “Oh, you are now, aren’t you?”

“Well, a’ course we are!” Rufus said heartedly.

Pat shrugged his shoulders. “Mostly.”

“You bet we are!” Peter cheered just as the orderlie rushed over to give Dastardly a water bottle. Dick greedily grabbed the bottle and gulped the cold water down as fast as he could. As he drank, Peter soberly said, “Dick, I hope there are no hard feelings between us. I’m sorry if anything we said about you had hurt you in anyway.”

Dastardly stopped between gulps, his cheeks puffed up full of water. He looked at Perfect blankly. “Huh?” he gargled.

Peter continued unabated, closing his eyes and holding his hand over his heart. “Words can hurt, Dastardly, as I should know well. I take full responsibility for whatever was said about you yesterday, Dick, and for _that_ I ask if you will accept my sincerest apologies. Competitors should be competitors on good terms, in my opinion. Will you ever forgive us for whatever heinous things we said about you?”

Dick looked at Peter as if a pigeon had landed on his head. He audibly gulped down the water. “What are you even jabbering about? I don’t remember what happened yesterday. I barely even remembered what happened to me this morn-,” Dick suddenly stopped and cringed, dropping the bottle and splashing the liquid all over the pavement.

“Drat…” Dastardly whimpered as his hand twitched in mid-air.

The racers all looked at Dastardly with mild confusion. “Umm,” Pat murmured. “I think you broke him, Peter.”

The bugle horn erupted, signaling the start of the race. The racers quickly rushed back into their cars, leaving Dastardly standing where he was, staring out into the distance with a painful expression. 

Penelope waved back to Dastardly as she settled into her car. “Good luck today, Mr. Dastardly!” she shouted.

“I…” he blinked twice, shook his head hard, then furiously shouted back, shaking his fist in the air, “I don’t need _LUCK_!”

He opened the top hood of his car, jumped in, then slammed the hood back down, causing a faint crack to appear on the side of the window.

* * *

The doors of the truck opened wide, and the puppy looked to the side of the bag he was hiding behind as much as he could, being careful not to reveal himself. He saw beyond the gates at what he thought to be the outskirts of the town, a starting line, and then- cars! The puppy quickly recognized Dastardly’s car from his photos and drawings in the book.

Securing the guide in his mouth, the puppy knew he didn’t have much time to run towards the car. Throwing caution to the wind, the furball rushed out from his hiding place, ran under the workers’ legs and out of the truck, leaving the workers shouting behind him about a stowaway raccoon.

Running towards the purple roadster on all fours, the puppy saw the car start up, and it looked like it was about to speed off from the starting line in just a few seconds.

* * *

Just as he started up the car and adjusted his earpiece, Dastardly thought he felt the vehicle jerk back and forth a bit, as if someone were shaking the Mean Machine from the outside. He quickly looked back to check what it was, but he didn’t see anything out of the ordinary- not that he looked carefully enough to know, anyway.

As the lights changed from red to yellow, and just before the flag was waved, Dastardly slammed on the gas, and was the first one out of the gate.

* * *

The puppy felt the car lurch strongly as he hid in the back trunk of the vehicle. He panted as he allowed the book to drop from his mouth and hit the floor of the trunk, right near a stick of dynamite. The puppy could barely see a thing in the darkness, but he smiled to himself as the car continued on. He made it, and soon he’ll be able to prove himself worthy.


	4. Chapter 4

"Drat it all," Dastardly muttered to himself once he was a good distance away from the starting line. "I should've planned more for today. I'm drawing up a blank here…I'm going to have to improvise more than usual."

He drummed his fingers on the wheel as he tried to remember the steps to at least one of his traps, but it was no use as he tried to navigate through the narrow road. He didn't even know where he was going- he hadn't even glanced at the map once since he started driving. He was driving along blind.

"Drat that mangy mongrel. He mixed up my whole day. I have half a mind to…to…"

To what? In his rush, he forgot to pack that hairball into some sort of box to be shipped out. He at first thought about leaving him once he got to the next motel, but Dastardly wasn't sure now what exactly was going on with that pup. Did that woman kick him to the curb- including all his bags? That idiot dog was barking up a storm in the morning so that wouldn't surprise him, but it made his stomach crawl just thinking about it.

Maybe the puppy ran away once he got the chance? That didn't surprise him either, but Dick couldn't help but blanch at the thought. Even with that little idiot messing things up for him, even when he wasted his time by feeding and cleaning him, Dastardly couldn't help but remember that mischievous smile on the little puppy's face when he showed him his little machinations. He seemed to genuinely enjoy listening to his schemes- no one he knew ever liked listening to his plans! Dare he say it…did that little dog enjoy spending time with him? Did he, Dick Dastardly, miss that puppy he found in the alleyway?

Dastardly shook his head angrily. Who knows where that puppy is now? He could be anywhere, and there was nothing Dick could do about it. He had to do something _now_ that he was in the middle of a race. The road now looked straight enough, and once he was far enough he'll be able to stop, look at the map, then set something up. For now, while he was still out in front, he had to stall for time.

Might as well go for an oldie but an goodie: an oil slick. He pulled the large handle on his master control to the desired label, then, a few moments later, Dastardly gleefully saw through his mirror the oil dropping out throughout the road. Hopefully, that'll keep those other dopey drivers occupied.

But that joy was short lived. As he continued on, the memory of that little puppy he left behind burdened him, and he couldn't help but feel as if he left a part of himself back in that motel room. That puppy should not have been left there…he should have come along with him. Dastardly sighed and hung his head. This just showed how unfit he was for the job, he thought. And now…he'll never know if either of them would've been good partners or not. Maybe he could've learned to become better at this whole partner thing. Now, he'll never know.

Dastardly stopped in the middle of the road. Now seemed to be as good a time as any to set something up, but Dick couldn't seem to clear his head enough to think. The image of that little fuzzball kept whizzing around him like an annoying fly.

He had to do something- anything. He opened up his glove department and looked at the map. But as he looked up the names and places, the mountains and roads all slowly combined to form the cute, furry image of the little grinning puppy.

Dastardly slammed down the map with a frustrated groan and held onto his head with increasing agitation. "I don't understand! Why can't you leave me alone and get out of my head?!"

"Uhh, Dastardly?" the narrator asked nervously.

"What?!" Dick snapped.

"Uhh, heheh, I don't know if you've noticed, but uhh-"

"'But' what, you annoying ninny? Just spit it out!"

"Well, ah heh, it just so happens that-"

"Look, if you're just going to waste my time by saying half-sentences, then you're talking to the wrong guy, buster! I've got more important things to do than to hear you babble along all day long, so why don't you go and bother someone else with your prattling, _hmm?!_ "

There was a moment's silence, then the announcer said, "Well, alright then. But it's your loss, Dastardly."

"Whatever, good riddance! Finally, I'll have some peace and quiet!"

His time was getting shorter, so Dastardly had to think up something quick to do, and fast. Finally, it came to him.

"The old 'snap-back' trick! Works every time!" he proclaimed to himself, snapping his fingers. Plant two beams into the ground, tie a giant rubber band, then propel himself farther into the lead as the others watch helplessly. Even if the others get ahead of him, he'll capture enough momentum to catch up to them and be able to see their shocked faces as he passed them by, which was an added bonus. It may not be a trap, but it was good enough for now.

Before any more intruding thoughts could come to mind, Dastardly quickly got out of his car and ran to the back trunk. He opened it up and saw a giant rubber band, a large hammer, and two beams all sitting ready for him, as if he had ordered them personally.

"Huh?" Dick looked confusingly at the set up. He for sure did not remember having his back trunk be so organized- not the very least, to be so organized as to know his very whim. But, not looking a gift racing car in the mouth, he grabbed the materials and started hammering.

Dastardly heard the engines of the other cars approaching fast just as he hit the last beam. He dropped the hammer back into the open trunk, closed it, jumped back into the car, backed it up as much as possible, then allowed the Machine to be slingshoted forward while slamming on the gas.

His speed was phenomenal as he rushed along, and Dick was ecstatic as he pictured the other racers' faces as they saw his feat. That was until…he realized that he didn't slingshot his way down a straight road. Trees were coming up ahead, and his ecstasy quickly turned into terror.

"Yipes!" he shouted as he desperately tried to make a hairpin turn, but to no avail. He braked as much as he could, but the nose of his car hit straight through a tree. The pointed nose got stuck in the tree just as the road turned, and Dastardly vibrated up and down along with the momentum of the vehicle.

"Draaaat!" he shouted as he shook along with his seat.

He opened the hood and jumped out of the car to inspect the damage. Still wobbling on his knees, he elongated his body with his hands, and tried to straighten himself out like a stretched accordion.

Once the vibrations were wrung of his system, he slapped his body back to normal, stomped on the ground angrily, and shouted, "That's it! I've had it! I have had it up 'til _here_ with everything! I can't think up of a good plan, this racetrack is impossible, everybody is bothering me, I didn't get any sleep, and now my car's stuck in a tree while the other racers are gaining on me! And what's WORSE- "

A sob got stuck in his throat. He couldn't deny it anymore. "And what's worse…I'll never see that little anklebitter again."

His anger savagely flared up again through his tears. "Why does nothing ever go my way! Drat, drat, and a double drat, and even a _triple drat_!"

Wheezing laughter started to sweep into his ears again. The noise made Dastardly stop in fright.

"What?" he gasped. "Oh no, not again! Not that same laughter!" Dastardly tried to cover his ears but to no avail: the laughter couldn't stop.

Dastardly then uncovered his ears and decided to find the source of the sound once and for all- which surprisingly came from the back trunk of his car.

 _No matter_ , Dastardly thought wickedly, an evil smile creeping over his face. _Whatever you are, I'll expose you myself!_

He opened the trunk with a grin, only to reveal the little puppy hiding in there, trying his best to contain his laughter, but to no avail. Shocked, Dastardly stared at the little dog as the fleabag opened his eyes to see the man looking right at him. He quickly stopped laughing, then he hung his head down with guilt and shame.

"I don't- I don't understand," Dastardly said, flabbergasted. "How- why…how?! You were stuck in that room, how did you…wait, is that my-"

The puppy nodded, grinning a little as he gave him back his guide, still wet with some slobber. Dastardly didn't seem to notice, however, as he smiled and flipped through the pages.

"Everything seems to be here in one piece," he noted. "But, you know, I never really needed it. I have everything memorized right here."

He pointed to his head, but then he looked at the small dog wistfully. "Well...except for today, it seems."

Dastardly put the book down on the floor of the trunk and picked up the brown puppy with both hands, looking at him with a serious gaze.

"You were the one who helped set up that spring trick for me."

The pup proudly nodded.

"And you read up on my guide, front and back."

Another nod.

"And… you were the one who laughed at me in that alleyway yesterday when I first found you."

The puppy stopped short, and then nodded slowly in guilt.

"You waited in that alleyway for some sucker to walk over to hide from the rain, and spring that trip-wire up for your own amusement so you can laugh at them as they ran away in embarrassment."

He perked his ears up in surprise. Dastardly rolled his eyes.

"Please, you're talking to an expert trapper here. I know when I've sprung a trip-wire trap, and I knew it wasn't an accident when I fell yesterday. You didn't just want to play some sort of prank. You wanted to be noticed for who you were. You wanted to be found, and that was your way of showing it. But what you _didn't_ expect was for someone to scare you out of your wits at the same time."

The tiny puppy nodded again, astounded.

"I know this because-" Dastardly sighed and stopped to stare at the ground for a few moments, then he looked back into Muttley's eyes and continued. "Because I was the same way. Because I'm _still_ the same way. And even I could admit that, even as a novice, you weren't really that bad." He then looked at the puppy shrewdly. "Why were you so scared of laughing in front of me, anyway?"

The puppy pointed at Dastardly and mimicked him yelling his head off.

"Oh, I see," Dastardly nodded with understanding. "I scared you right out of it. Well, that's because I didn't know where it was coming from! But now that I know, well, I don't have to react like that anymore…well, mostly anyway. Besides," Dastardly looked up as an idea tantalized him, "that laughter is just perfectly nasty enough for a scheme or two. In fact, it could really add some spice to my villainous routine as a whole! Having someone listen to me as I gloat and be there to laugh along with me- now that's just what a good villain needs!"

He punctured the air with a loud laugh, making the puppy snicker in glee alongside him. The laughs did go along well together. And no more panicked yelling from Dick was a good added bonus for both parties.

"But _you_ ," Dick suddenly pointed accusingly at the little puppy, who flinched at what Dastardly was about to say.

But Dick could only smile at the little flea-bitten furball. "You've reignited my spark. You've reminded me why I came here in the first place: to not just win no matter what, but to win _my_ way…to win our way."

The puppy looked at Dastardly in shock. "Huh?" he muttered.

Dastardly grinned challengingly. "You like what I'm doing, right? You like one-upping others and seeing them get their comeuppance, no matter who they are, and then laughing at them, right? And you especially love playing dirty tricks on people who deserve it, right? In other words: you like being nasty for the sake of being nasty, just like me. Now, am I wrong or am I RIGHT?"

"Right, right!" the puppy excitingly said as he started to chuckle again.

Dastardly chuckled as well. He really did enjoy that laugh. "Then that settles it! Now, I know you're still just a puppy, so we have a lot of work cut out for us. Plus, I'm going to have to," his lips curled in disgust, "yugh, housetrain you. But, I _can_ train you and teach you about everything else I know. I'm sure you'll pick things up pretty quickly, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," the puppy yelped.

Dastardly then looked him with a stern expression. "Now, you'll need to be able to take care of yourself, especially when we might end up in a, um…situation. Remember, I'm not just going to be your owner. We're going to be equal partners in this from now on. That means, I treat _you_ like an adult, and you treat _me_ like an adult. I can't always watch out for you or take care of you forever. We have to be able to work together as a team to get what we want- do you understand me?"

The puppy laughed in reply. Dastardly stared at him, deadpanned. "I guess I'll take that as a yes." Then he became excited again. "So, you agree? You'll be my partner in crime?"

The little brown mutt shook happily in Dastardly's hands. "Yeah, yeah, yeah!"

Dastardly stretched out his arms and looked admiringly at the puppy. "Good," he said, then he started to laugh maliciously. "Good!"

He brought the pup closer to himself again. "Well, if you're going to be my partner, then I'm going to have to give you a proper name. Now let's see…"

He moved the puppy around in his hands as he carefully scrutinized him.

"Well, you certainly look like a mutt…and your personality reminds me of someone absolutely motley," Dastardly hummed in thought, then he gasped as it came to him.

"Yes, I know exactly what to call you. It may sound childish, but it's the only thing I can think of when I look at you: Muttley."

The puppy, now called Muttley, perked his ears up at the name.

"Yes, Muttley," Dastardly said with pride. "Because you're a mutt, and you're just so…Muttley!"

Muttley looked at himself, then looked at Dastardly, then he laughed again. Dick couldn't help but laugh as well at the name.

"Ahahha," Dastardly heard the narrator laugh awkwardly. "I hate to break up this nice little reunion here, but I just so happened to come back to check on you, Dick, because-"

"I thought we've spoken about this already," he interrupted, starting to become irritated.

"Then allow me to say it forthright, Dastardly! I'm not supposed to be helping out the racers, but… you took the wrong road, Dick. The other racers took the first fork at the right and straight down. You went on the left fork, which leads to a dead end. Everyone else is already miles ahead of you right now."

Dastardly stared unmovingly out into the distance for a moment in silence. Then, he screamed.

"MILES?!" His shout made Muttley jump into the air in fright. With puppy and book in hand, Dick pushed the back trunk down with his body, jumped back into the car and placed little Muttley on his lap.

Dastardly reversed gears and stepped on it. The car dislodged itself from the tree as Dastardly continued back down the road in reverse gear, going as fast as he can.

"It's no-holds-barred now, Muttley! Watch as I bring the Mean Machine back into the race singlehandedly! I'll take care of everything, you just sit back and watch!"

The little puppy laughed at the audacity of the situation.

"Talk about a DOUBLE ZERO, am I right folks?" the narrator chuckled. "Speaking of doubles, Dick, there's one bit of information you might need to know."

"Oh, yeah?" Dastardly asked as he came up to the fork in the road, reversed gears, and took the right lane. "And what's that, you smart alec?"

"It's illegal for a car to have an unregistered partner finish the race alongside the regular driver. That means little Muttley over there, Dastardly."

The puppy snickered at the mention of his name.

"Ah, registered, schmestered!" Dastardly waved off. "My only concern right now is getting to the finish line _at all_!" He quickly glanced down at the puppy. "Muttley, see if you can open that glove compartment over there and take out the map. I want to see if you can read it. It only shows the route of the race, that's all."

Muttley did as he was told. He looked closely at the map and growled out some words.

"I have no idea what you just said," Dastardly said flatly. "Hmm, this is going to take some more practice than I thought…never mind, just hold it up to me as I drive."

Muttley growled an okay as he raised the map to Dastardly's eye level.

"Ok I see now…I don't see any sneaky roads for this race. Drat. Looks like we're just going to have keep going as the map says, unfortunately…too many twisty turns around here. I knew I should've gotten that 'helicopter mode' installed for this season. Would've been a great help to us right now…or maybe even a 'tree-chopper' option…"

As Dick's eyes became further absorbed into the map, Muttley turned around and saw that they were heading towards the trees again. Muttley loudly barked as Dastardly glanced up from the map and made a sharp turn, just in the nick of time.

"Ahh, see! You aren't that useless, and you do know what to look out for! Just keeping doing that and we'll get out of this dense forest sooner rather than later."

Muttley saluted. "Yeah, yeah, yeah!"

Within just a few miles, the two of them snaked out of the dense forest and out onto the highway. Dick saw the other racers down the road.

"There they are, Muttley! Looks like the roads took up a lot of their time, too. No matter- we have the upper hand!"

Dick had his hand on one of the many levers in the Machine. He had a nasty look on his face. "This is going to eat up a lot of gas, but it'll be worth it! You holding on tight, Muttley?"

The little dog shakingly held onto Dastardly's coat, teeth chattering. He gave an unsteady thumbs up.

"Then away we go!"

Dastardly pulled the lever, smashed the gas pedal, and the car practically flew across the highway road, passing by several of the racers with ease. Now they were the ones out in front by a few miles.

"Now it's time for another classic." Dastardly pressed a button, and out came piles and piles of sharp nails from underneath the car to slow the other racers down to a snail's crawl.

But as they came out to the next highway exit, Muttley whined as he shook the map in front of Dastardly.

"What, what is it?" he hurriedly asked. Muttley pointed to the road they needed to take.

"Yes, yes, I know that already!" Dick dismissed irritatingly as he pushed the map away. "I just need to make sure of something first."

The two of them stopped right at the exit sign they needed to go through. "Watch this, Muttley," Dastardly said as he got out of the car and exchanged seats with the shaggy puppy. He opened the back trunk, searched a bit and came back out with–

"A good ol' 'detour' sign!" Dastardly demonstrated as he brandished the gaudy sign to Muttley. It stood at about half his height and it looked like Dick painted it himself. Muttley chuckled at it.

"Yes, yes, brilliant, I know!" he boasted as he planted the sign in. He quickly went back and exchanged seats again with Muttley. He took the turn and went up ahead on the countryside road.

After a few minutes of driving, Muttley started to whine again.

"Don't get your fur in a twist, I'll stop at the next station for some gas. Hopefully we'll get there before it runs out on us."

Muttley whined again more urgently, holding himself tightly.

"What is it, what are you whining about now?" Dick asked, becoming more exacerbated by the second. "We're almost in the lead now, with only Ruffcut up ahead! What in the world would make you want to- oh."

Once again, realization dawned on Dastardly's face. He glanced at the little furball and said in a sarcastic tone, "Well then, I guess you'd probably want some snacks from the mini mart, too, huh?"

Muttley suddenly got excited. "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!"

"Yeah well, too bad then!" Dick replied smugly. "We don't got time for it! We're only going for exactly five minutes and then I'm leaving, whether you're in the car with me or not! Now here: I have some left-over snacks in the glove department. That should stymie you off for the time being."

Muttley opened the box again to find various papers and dynamite sticks in there. Scrounging around further, he found a half-eaten cereal bar and a few rice cakes. "Yuck," he blurted out, looking at them pathetically.

"Take it or leave it!" Dastardly rebuked.

 _Now I_ really _need to housebreak him_ , the man thought bitterly.


	5. Chapter 5

Coming into the station, Dastardly spotted the Buzz Wagon and its occupants by one of its pumps.

"Excellent," Dastardly whispered with a grin. "I can knock that ridiculous lumberjack and his burly beaver off our tail in one fell swoop. Muttley, it's time to see what you can _really_ do."

Muttley whined again, tearfully this time. Dastardly rolled his eyes and sighed impatiently.

"Alright, alright, fine, do what you have to," he conceded, then the impish grin reappeared again. "But not before you hear my plan."

Muttley listened carefully as Dastardly lowly spoke into his ear, even with no one else around to hear them in the car. The floppy-eared puppy chuckled.

"You got it?" Dick asked, then Muttley nodded. "Well then, get on with it, and make sure they don't see you!" The man demanded in a strict tone. He then pointed to the rear with his thumb. "The back exit is right through that hatch behind me. I'll go get the disguise."

Muttley nodded again and went out from the backdoor of the car, hiding himself in the grass. Dastardly parked his car on the other side of Rufus and Sawtooth's pump. From under his seat, the nefarious villain got out the disguise he needed, left it on the floor of the car, and prepared the rope for the plan. This was going to be fun.

Dastardly got out of the Mean Machine and started to refill the tank, locking the gas pump nozzle into the car. As he did this, he overheard the conversation the other two were having.

"I'm telling ya, Sawtooth, we shouldn'ta used up so much of our fuel on cutting those trees down back there. The stumps and hills got in our way, anyway."

The beaver chattered with an annoyed tone.

"Well, how wuz I supposed ta know it would damage the car?!"

 _Yeesh,_ Dastardly thought as he climbed to the top of the pump and tied the end of the rope around it, making sure he wasn't seen by the two. _Like an old married couple._

Dastardly saw that Muttley had returned to the car and was trying the costume on for size. Much too big for him, but it'll have to do. Muttley peaked out from under the mask and gave a cheeky smile along with a thumbs up. Dastardly returned the gesture, climbed down from the pump, and opened the hood of the Double Zero.

The two were still arguing. Good. They won't be expecting this at all from Dick. Now was their chance.

"Alright then, Muttley," Dastardly whispered, grinning wickedly. "Make with the nasty laugh!"

Muttley laughed heartedly. Rufus and Sawtooth stopped and shook their heads around, trying to find the source of the sound.

"What in the world is that?" Rufus asked perplexedly. "Sounds like some sort of…whistling tea kettle or something."

Sawtooth shook frightfully as he clung to his partner. Rufus looked at him irritatingly.

"There's nothing to be afraid of! Must be some sort of deranged coyote or somethin'. Hey, Dastardly!"

Dick started at his name. He was still standing near the pump, trying to look innocuous by holding the rope behind his back with one hand while putting the nozzle back into the pump with the other.

"Dastardly, do ya know where that sound's coming from?"

Dick couldn't hide the small smirk on his face as he shrugged. "No idea! But it sounds haunting, doesn't it?"

The soft laughter wasn't letting up as it continued unabated, louder and louder. Ruffcut was starting to shake too.

"Ohh, gee, what does it want from us? Maybe we should go, Sawtooth."

With both their backs turned to him, Dastardly turned on the engine, stood on his car seat, and pulled the rope. Muttley launched out from the Mean Machine, flew above the pumps, and hung right over the shaking pair. The two slowly turned around and looked up, then they yelped in fright at what they saw. Muttley, wearing a large and horrifying tiki mask, raised his arms up and laughed terrifyingly. The lumberjack and his beaver held each other tight as they screamed loudly.

"Now! I got you!" Dastardly shouted as the small dog swung over back to the car, let go of the mask and rope, and dropped into the man's open arms. Sitting back down, Dastardly quickly hit the gas, drove around the pumps and back onto the road, leaving Rufus and Sawtooth standing in shock.

"Maybe you should've appeased the spirits more!" Dick called out as he laughed evilly with Muttley sitting on his lap, chuckling along. Dastardly brought the hood back down and stepped on the gas more. He looked down to see the puppy still wheezing, holding onto Dastardly's jacket in hysterics, practically in tears. Dastardly petted the little thing on the head to calm him down.

"We did it, Muttley! Man, what a rush. I don't think even I could've done that myself. Well done, very well done!"

Muttley sniffed a little and looked at Dastardly through misty eyes. "R-r-you think so?" he grumbled out.

Dastardly started from hearing the words. He didn't expect for the pup to react so strongly from the prank. _He looks like he's never heard of a compliment before,_ Dastardly thought.

The villain tried to play it cool and said nonchalantly while petting Muttley's head again, "Yes, yes, you were good. Now, stop sniveling! We're in the lead, and we're going to stay that way."

Dastardly found a slightly used hanky and gave it to the snotty little furball. Last thing he wanted was his jacket getting wet again, especially not from puppy sniffles. Muttley blew his nose into it hard, then smiled weakly at Dick.

"I know that was exciting, but keep your wits about you! We don't have much of the race left to go," he gave Muttley a confident smile. "So… now's a good time to stop and plant a trap!"

Little Muttley chuckled.

Dastardly went about a few more miles before finally stopping at the side of the road, near a fast- moving river. Muttley yawned a bit as Dastardly stepped out of the car, leaving the puppy in the driver's seat. Dastardly turned to look Muttley straight in the eye.

"This isn't the time or place for a nap, Muttley! Besides, I know what plan we'll be implementing now. I call it- 'Operation: Strike, Drop, and Roll'! Lucky for us, I'm pretty sure we got everything we need: a bowling ball, pins, rope, an axe, a box of matches, and lots of dynamite, as per usual with me. It's a good thing I always come prepared for such an occasion," he added conceitedly. The truth was that he didn't have the time to work out the trap in the last race, since his car blew up before he could even attempt it.

Muttley immediately brightened. He reached for the guide, opened up to the page needed, and showed it to Dastardly.

"Yep, that's exactly it. So, you know what to get- good! Gather the stuff, and then I'll explain the plan as we go along. I think you're ready to help me out with setting up a trap now."

Muttley laughed into his paw, then quickly started to crawl around the Double Zero to get the necessary things. As he searched, a familiar sounding voice cut through Dick's ear.

"Setting up another trap, Dastardly?" the narrator curiously asked.

"Why, of course," he said with a prideful chuckle. "That is my M.O., ya know. Although, I haven't heard a peep from you since I turned at that fork. As a guy called 'the narrator', you don't seem to narrate a lot, do you?"

"Let's just say your earpiece was turned off by the management for, ahem, for your own convenience."

"My, how gracious of them," he replied flatly. The puppy popped his head out from the back of the car, snickering. Dastardly walked over to him and asked, "You got everything, Muttley?" The little cur nodded, then widely yawned again. Dastardly dismissed it for now. "Good, good, let's set things up."

The man stopped as the narrator interjected, "Overworking the kid, Dastardly? I had no idea you'd stoop so low for help."

Dastardly quickly turned to stare daggers at the camera. "I'm not making him do anything if he doesn't want to!" he vehemently said. "Here's another favor you can do for me: buzz off!"

"We'd like to take this moment to apologize to all the good little boys and girls watching at home. Remember: these are trained professional racers, and they are racing on a closed course. Do not try to imitate anything you are seeing - or hearing- on this program at home. Thank you."

Dastardly scoffed and shook his head as the narrator's voice fizzled out of his ear. "Unbelievable," he whispered to himself in angry disbelief. Him, overworking the kid? Stooping too low? Impossible.

Shoving this train of thought to the side, he turned back to Muttley, a smirk returning to the man's lips.

"You ready?"

Muttley nodded ecstatically.

"Then let's set it up quick, and then I'll explain on the way."

As they laid the trap, the villain expounded on his plan: "First, I'll send a bowling ball right down the middle for a strike, which then activates the trigger that pulls the rope down, swinging the metal axe near the precisely placed match, igniting it! The match will then light the strategically laid dynamite, which will all then explode, opening up a large crater in the road and towards the rushing river! The river will flood into the road, making it impossible for the other racers to cross!"

The villainous duo laughed. He really did enjoy having someone listen to his plans. It made him feel actually important. Dastardly picked up the bowling ball and evened himself between the bowling pins. "Alright," he said carefully as he set himself up for the roll, sticking his tongue out in concentration. Finally, he brought his arm back and exclaimed, "Here we go!"

He unleashed the ball down the "lane" and… knocked out three pins to the side.

"Drat!" he yelled, snapping his fingers in frustration. Muttley looked at him disappointingly, and Dastardly could only respond with a helpless shrug.

"Well," he said, sheepishly smiling. "I'm not exactly a bowling champion, you know."

Little Muttley walked over to the other pins, pushed them all aside, and pressed the trigger located behind the set-up, starting up the trap.

Dastardly walked over and stopped behind Muttley, hands on his hips. He shook his head and clicked his tongue in disapproval. "For shame, Muttley. Now, where's the fun in just pulling the trigger, huh? Where's the excitement, the _thrill_ of seeing a good trap go through all its necessary steps to- say, where are you going?"

Muttley was running back to the car in a panic as the axe came down and ignited the match, which then sent its flame up the fuse and towards several dynamite sticks. Dastardly's eyes slowly bulged in realization as they darted from Muttley's shrinking figure in the distance and back to his trap, where he was standing right near the dynamite.

"Oooh…" he muttered as he fearfully clutched his hands, then he drooped his arms down and resignedly said to the camera, "Drat."

The dynamite exploded right from under him, sending Dastardly screaming into the air and careening towards the rushing river. The dynamite was not distributed well, and it didn't create a crater at all, but only a black mark on the pavement. The panicked man fell right at the ledge of the road, his fingers desperately hanging on to its edge as his legs dangled frantically over the stormy waters. Throughout his years, he's been in many precarious predicaments, but he couldn't remember the last time such a phrase fitted his situation so well. He also couldn't remember the last time he was in such a dangerous circumstance.

"HEEELP! Somebody, anybody!"

Was this the end for the failing villain, and was this to be his last act in daredevilry? Dastardly could've sworn he saw his miserable life flash before him, until he felt a pair of hands pull his wrists up and over the ledge, slowly bringing him back up to the safe earth. Dastardly gave a huge sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" he blurted out as he was being dragged up. "You don't know how lucky I am that you happened to be passing by to save me. I'm forever grateful to-"

He stopped short as his head peaked up over the ledge. It was the brown puppy, straining with every fiber of his little being to pull the larger man over to safety. His tail was spinning rapidly in circles, as if he were trying to use it as a propeller to bring some extra leverage for the two of them.

"You!" Dick yelled in bewilderment. " _You_ saved me?!"

Muttley opened his eyes and exchanged stunned looks with Dastardly. He quickly pulled the rest of the man's body out from the ledge, ran over to him, and hugged him so swiftly and tightly that it made the man grunt in surprise. The little dog shuddered as he whined loudly. Dastardly took a moment to absorb in astonishment at what was going on. Then, once it came to him, his arms slowly and uncertainly came around to return the hug.

"Hey now, it's ok, it's ok," Dastardly worryingly whispered as he lightly patted the frightened little thing on the back, trying to calm him down. "I'm fine now, really. I'm telling you, I get into these sorts of things all the time, but I always come out alright. Honestly so."

Muttley sniffed and looked up to Dastardly's face in tears. "R-rreally?" he growled out.

"Sincerely…really," he said with a reassuring smile, then it slowly turned into a concerned frown. He sighed slowly, then whispered, "No…No. No, you can't do this. This is too much for you."

Muttley stopped and looked at the man, unsure of what he was saying.

He continued. "I…know what it's like to have to grow up too fast. Living on the streets…doing things other kids my age weren't usually doing. Seeing things you shouldn't be seeing. It feels exhilarating at first, until reality kicks in later in life."

The man swallowed. "I wouldn't want to pressure someone as young as you to do this with me, and yet that's exactly what I've been doing. I know I said I'd treat you like an adult, but you're not one yet. And you probably won't be until who knows how long."

Dick put his hands on the puppy's shoulders. "Listen, I know I'm bad at this. I know there are other people out there who could take you in and give you a normal life, and I wouldn't be against it if you wanted it. You can just say the word, and I'll… _help_ you find someone better who can take care of you." The words stung for him to say.

Muttley's ears drooped as he looked at Dick with huge eyes. And as the man gazed back, he felt something break inside his chest. Dastardly forcibly closed his eyes, then slowly turned his head away from the puppy.

Muttley stepped back from Dastardly, took a good look at him, then ran on all fours back to the car.

Dastardly opened his eyes at the sound of the puppy's scurrying. "What is he…?" Dastardly muttered as he got up to run after him. He found the fuzzball again, digging around in the vehicle. Muttley then stood up on the driver's seat, presenting Dastardly with the guidebook in his paws. His muzzle quivered, and his large, wet eyes looked beseechingly at the man.

"What? What is it, Muttley?" Dastardly asked urgently.

Muttley whined, then he grumbled out some words in a worried tone. Dastardly's eyes widened. He doesn't know how, but he could now understand what the puppy's grumblings meant. And yet, he felt as though this wasn't supposed to be a surprise to him. It was as if he knew this would've happened on its own, eventually with time.

"You," he slowly translated in a whisper, his face growing wider with shock as Muttley spoke. "You…like being with me…and you want to stay with me? You wouldn't want to go anywhere else without me? You…"

The little puppy dropped the book and jumped into Dastardly's arms, chuckling and wagging his tail. Dick's startled eyes began to water, and he felt some tears run down his cheeks. Then, he smiled softly, and deeply returned the hug.

"Are you sure this time? No take backsies."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!"

Dastardly sniffed and rubbed his nose. "You- you little idiot," he teased, wiping his wet face. "Well then, that settles it- again!"

But then he wagged his finger in front of the puppy's nose in admonishment. "But you're going to need more training than ever, you floppy-eared, little fleabag! No more surprises for either of us, that's for sure! You got it?"

Muttley nodded in agreement, happily wiping his own tears away with a grin. Suddenly, a gigantic yawn escaped from his mouth.

Dick raised an eyebrow in jest. "Well, gee, I had no idea I bored you that much with my spiels, Muttley. You look like you can sleep for a week."

Muttley growled out some words.

"You were up _all_ night trying to study my plans? Oh, boy," he rolled his eyes. "How long did it take for you to read them all, anyway?"

Muttley grumbled, shrugging his shoulders.

"You only studied the pictures?! You dimwitted dog, you could've just _asked_ me to explain them all to you once we were on the road- I personally would've loved nothing more."

Muttley laughed a bit, then yawned again. Dastardly sighed in both resignation and satisfaction as they both got in the car again. The Machine was undamaged from the explosion, thankfully.

As Dastardly sat back down into the driver's seat, he looked straight into the camera with a nervous smile. "Okay, I'm almost afraid to ask this, but…"

The narrator's voice fizzled back into Dick's ear. "Oh, you won't have to be for long, Dastardly. You're in last place again. The other racers have already crossed the finish line."

"Of course…" he whispered disappointingly, but with a small smile. Dick started up the car and drove forward with Muttley sitting on his lap again, who struggled to stay awake for the drive.

After a few miles more, the two finally crossed the finish line last as Dick warily said to himself, "Yeah, well, like this race even mattered, anyway. It could've been far worse."

"Well," the narrator said. "The good news is that for the first time this season, you passed the finish line with your car still in one piece."

Dastardly laughed sarcastically at the little factoid. "Great. And what's the bad news?"

"The bad news is that since you crossed with an unregistered partner, you technically forfeit the race either way. So, even with the last place finish, it won't be counted into your overall score by the end of the season."

"Oh," Dastardly said with mild surprise. "Drat."

A very tired Muttley grumbled some words out and wagged his tail. Dastardly looked at him somewhat confusingly.

"I didn't catch all that perfectly but… I'm going to assume you said you're happy at least you became my partner today, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!"

"Well, it's going to take some extra time for me to say if this has been all worth it to me in the end but," he lightly petted Muttley's head, "I'd like to say you're getting there."

Muttley wagged his tail more and looked up at Dastardly gleefully. Dastardly couldn't help but smile in response, but then his eyes wandered off to the side and his smile dropped.

"Drat, I forgot! The other racers! I can't let them see me like this!" he roughly grabbed Muttley, unfastened some of the buttons on his long coat, and pushed him under there. He left the car and started to casually walk off the track, whistling as he went. But as soon as he only took a few steps away from his car, it seemed like all the racers this time crowded around Dastardly, with all of them shouting out different things.

"What happened, Mr. Dastardly?"

"Did you hit your head on a tree or somethin', Dastardly?" "It looks mightily sore to me, sarj."

"We got into that danged oil slick you sent out- not fun, I tells ya!" "You tell 'im, boss!"

"And those nails, just frightfully awful!" "Friiiightfully so."

"Dun't forget that dreadful detour sign- I've zeen two-year-oldz with better art skillz!"

"All a' us came out ahead and we saw neither heads nor tails of ya besides yar car on side of the road. We had na' idea what happened to y'all."

"I must admit, even I was feeling remiss about the whole thing."

"DASTARDLY!" a giant booming voice came out from the back, belonging to Rufus. Dastardly stepped back nervously with an uncertain chuckle as the muscular man and his angry beaver came closer and closer to him.

"I got a bone to pick with ya! What's the meaning of scaring us off like that, something fierce? And who was that giant chipmunk with ya with that giant tiki mask? Did you kidnap him from the forest or somethin'?

"Giant?"

" _Chipmunk?"_

" _With_ Dastardly?"

"Dickie, old boy, what in the world happened to you?" Peter asked worryingly. "And what is that thing poking out from under your jacket?"

"NOTHING HAPPENED! ABSOULTLEY _NOTHING_ HAPPENED! And I'd _appreciate_ it if all you ninnies would give me some space!" Dick screeched out in frustration, gesticulating everywhere while struggling to keep his hands covered. "And there's nothing underneath my jacket, absolutely nothing at-"

A little whimpering noise came from underneath his coat. Within a short moment, Muttley snuggled his little head out from in between the opened fastenings, grumbled a few words, yawned widely, then closed his eyes and gently fell asleep right on Dastardly's chest. Dastardly's face became as bright as a tomato.

"AWWW!" all the racers cooed at the same time.

"Ohh, Dastardly," Peter lovingly said. "Why didn't you tell us you had a baby?"

"A ba— _does this look like a baby to you?!_ He's clearly supposed to be a puppy!"

"Oh, I know, I was just teasing. I mean, look at him. He practically looks like your baby."

"Is that supposed be an insult or a compliment?" Dick deadpanned.

"Oh, how adorable!" Luke said, squeezing Blubber tightly. "Looking at him reminds me of when I first saw Blubber here as a little, itty bitty cub. Right, Blubber?"

The bear rolled his eyes good naturedly.

"Gee, Dastardly," Rufus said apologetically. "If I would've known it was just you and that little pup doin' us in, I wouldn'ta been so scared. Now, ain't that right, Sawtooth?" The energetic beaver clicked in agreement.

Penelope stroked the little puppy's head with two fingers. "He's downright precious, Mr. Dastardly. What are you gonna call him?"

"I don't understand any of you," Dastardly said as he unconsciously brought a protective hand over his puppy, making Penelope retract hers in surprise. "This dog is obviously going to grow up to become a vicious, man-eating hunter, and yet you all treat him as this harmless, innocent little cherub. He's not going to be like this forever, ya know."

"Mmm, that's true, Mr. Dastardly," Penelope replied earnestly. "But I think that's what's so special about being a baby. You don't know how or what they'll grow up to be. And that's why it's so precious to appreciate them when they're still young. Because before you know it, they'll be all grown up lickity-split."

Dastardly looked down at the sleeping Muttley with a slightly worried expression. As much as he can admit he never had a childhood himself… he also reluctantly admitted that he never really grew out of it either. Muttley is still a puppy, and he knew he couldn't impose his own choice onto him. But…the idea of appreciating what that meant didn't come to his mind before. He hated his own childhood but…maybe it doesn't have to be the same here.

"M-maybe," he whispered. Finally, he conceded to her with a sigh. "Muttley…his name is Muttley."

"Awww," another round of cooing irritated Dastardly's ears, making him cringe.

"Well," Penelope said as she petted the sleeping puppy. "That's a cute little name for a cute little critter like Muttley."

"Well, I- um," he mumbled, unsure of what to say about that. The idea of Muttley being cute didn't cross his mind until now. Was that what he saw when he looked into the puppy's eyes?

"Well yes, he is…rather cute, I can say," he reluctantly admitted. He then turned to leave. "Well… I guess I'd might as well head down to my motel now. Got nowhere else to go, anyways…"

Peter reached out a hand and touched Dastardly's shoulder. "Oh, you won't be staying at any more motels now, Dickie."

Dastardly turned back in shock. Peter continued, "You'll be staying at the same resort as us, at no extra charge. And you'll have your own suite, along with little Muttley here, of course. Plus, room service!"

Dastardly's eyes became huge as he imagined all the food he could order, mountains and mountains of it. Finally, a decent meal for the first time in months. "Yes, room service," he said quietly, smiling a little. "That…does sound rather nice."

* * *

Dastardly stood close to the fire as he laid his small puppy down onto the soft, woven dog bed. The hotel room was wonderful: it was spacious, clean, and it had two bathrooms with a walk-in shower in each. The warm, crackling fireplace illuminated the walls of the darkened living room with a pleasant shade of wavering orange. Dick had left all his clothes to be washed up by the staff and, as he sat himself down on the couch while wearing a nice, plush robe, rubbing his large, satisfied stomach after eating the first big meal he's eaten in a long time, he admitted to himself that he's never felt so…good. The place had even given Muttley a full, puppy-sized meal with complementary dog food, plastic saucer plate, and toys.

With whatever money he had left, he had ordered for a cheap camera and a nice bed for Muttley. Muttley was too small for the bed now, but Dick was sure he'll grow into it.

Dick opened the back of the camera and started to wind his only film roll, finicking with the timestamp setting as he did so. He wanted to keep this moment. He wanted to remember him like this. He needed to. However Muttley will grow up to be, at least Dick'll have a picture of the little puppy that reminded him so much of himself when he was young and unaffected by the world. A reminder of the day the little puppy chose to stay and be with him. _Him_ , of all people.

A companion. A partner. Someone to be there with him, through thick and thin. Whatever happens, at least he'll have this moment.

Dick Dastardly held onto the camera as he knelt down on the carpet near the woven bed. Dick noticed that even while asleep, Muttley still wore a contented smile. Slowly, almost hesitantly, he lifted a hand and stroked the puppy's small, messy head, tenderly combing the thick fur through deft, careful fingers. Once he adjusted the hair to his liking, Dick pointed the camera, shot the photo…and messed it up. He rolled the film, shot a photo, and messed it up again. Again, and again, until finally, on his last chance, he got the photo he wanted.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always had this question ever since I first started watching the original cartoon as a child: did they really care for each other? Why does Muttley stay with Dastardly if he treats him so poorly? Muttley is fully capable of leaving if he so chooses, but the two have never been seen separated for too long. What makes him stay, other than being able to enjoy seeing his big-headed partner be embarrassed on a daily basis? And after watching Scoob!, I finally got my answer. They really do care for each other. Sincerely so. And it makes my heart feel warm just thinking about it. And compared to Shaggy and Scooby, their origins of how they met have never been explored. I just wanted to write this fic to fill up this gap.
> 
> This was also written after I saw that adorably sweet photo of baby Muttley in Scoob!. The photo speaks volumes to me. If a villain like Dastardly could take such a sweet and innocent photo of his puppy for keepsakes, and then hold onto it for such a long period of time throughout their adventures, through thick and thin, it only furthermore sealed these feelings for me.
> 
> This is the story of how Dick Dastardly took that picture.
> 
> Deep down, I still think I made DD too nice and self-observant here. He's not exactly the introspective type, if I'd say so. He's still a rookie here and he hasn't lost as many races yet, so I interpreted the character as not being so jaded and short-tempered as he in the original show. The same with Muttley since he's only a puppy here and is experiencing all this for the first time.
> 
> Either way, I just wanted to see them happy and satisfied for once, dangit.
> 
> Thank you for reading this little story, and I hope you enjoyed it! And an extra special thank you to the HB discord group for all their help! *wink wink* 
> 
> Til next time!


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